


My Death, My Love

by Melinique



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27758929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melinique/pseuds/Melinique
Summary: The battle with Chuck is over. Cas gave himself to the Empty to save Dean from Billie. Sam…Sam was a casualty of Chuck. Michael will help Jack rebuild Heaven…once they’ve both recovered enough grace after using it to charge an Archangel/Nephilim powered weapon to kill Chuck. Dean…well, he’s about to meet Billie’s replacement.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	My Death, My Love

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: While I have every intention of going back and doing more Denny stories for Hitting the Heart. I just had to get this idea out of my system because it was slowly driving me bat-shit crazy!
> 
> Disclaimer: Supernatural and all characters wherein belong to their respective owners, I do not own them nor have I ever claimed to, I’m just playing around with them.
> 
> Other: 1) A huge thank you to my wonderful beta from the Stanford Daze series, The Lost Book of Chuck, Vampire Rescue Mission, Creole Pie, Lost Bones, Hellbound, Hidden Within, Pocket Sized Angel, Another Number, Hitting the Heart, and whose now acting as my beta for this story, vrskaandrea. 2) Also a huge thank you to my second beta, Wildfire’s Flame for her work with Hitting the Heart and whose now acting as my second beta for this story, as well.

Dean stood in a thick copse of trees with an angels’ blade to Chuck’s throat. Dean knew the blade would be useless against Chuck - hell, it would be useless against an archangel… So, obviously it wouldn’t affect Chuck and Dean knew that God was aware there was nothing ‘special’ about the blade beyond the fact that it was Cas’s angel blade. 

Dean had struggled through just leaving the room where the Empty had taken Cas from him. Where Cas had made the confession to Dean… to Dean… ‘ _ I love you. _ ’ Those three little words had haunted him ever since Cas disappeared.

Dean had only half-paid attention when Michael showed up with an off-the-wall plan to deal with Chuck. (Lesson 1, Chuck…don’t piss off your oldest son.) He’d suggested making a new lance, similar to the one that had been made to fight against/deal with Lucifer…except that it would be ‘powered’ by both his own grace in addition to Jack’s. It would be similar…hopefully…to one of the ‘Hand of God’ one-off weapons that was a part of Heaven’s arsenal.

Dean’s lack of attention and caring about what would happen had about gotten him killed when he was set up as the ‘bait’ for Chuck. Dean hadn’t cared one way or another if he lived or died…At least, if he was dead…he’d probably - delusional as the idea was - have a version of Cas in his Heaven. So, if he was being honest…he had wanted to die. 

Dean’s lack of attention to playing his part though…had resulted in… or more accurately, caused Sam’s death. Dean had lashed out at Chuck afterwards. Michael’s plan be damned! Jack was left behind at the Bunker to keep him away from Chuck, so…it wasn’t like the young nephilim could interfere.

Chuck had glanced down at the blade and then given Dean a look that pretty much said ‘are you really that stupid?’

‘Go ahead and kill me, Chuck. I don’t care. Sam’s gone.’ Dean said uncaringly. ‘Cas -’ Dean choked on the word.

Chuck narrowed his eyes at Dean’s oddly emotional reaction as Dean’s bottom lip began to quiver. His eyes went wide. ‘Aw, that’s why I don’t feel your little angel. Castiel went and got himself killed again,’ Chuck said disappointed. ‘That boy was a disappointment since the moment he…gripped you tight and raised you from perdition,’ Chuck added, mocking Cas’s own words and grinning as he did so. Chuck then shook his head. ‘The one thing not even I saw…and sure didn’t write…was him falling for you in every way,’ he admitted.

There was a part of Dean that was absolutely thrilled at the idea that Cas’s feelings weren’t just a part of Chuck’s story. But that thrill was short-lived as Dean saw Michael appear behind Chuck. Michael, with the new lance in-hand, was crouched, ready to stab Chuck at an upward angle.

It was supposed to be part of the plan that Jack would have had the lance, but Jack had poured too much of his grace into it and was honestly just too drained to fly. Michael had the foresight to keep a teeny-tiny amount of grace back to where he could at least make one flight…something the young nephilim had not thought of.

‘Mi-’ Chuck began to say, sounding disappointed. He never got the chance to finish saying his son's name though as Michael stabbed him in the back and through the heart of his vessel. 

Chuck’s eyes glowed with light and darkness as Michael’s own glowed with grace . ‘You lied, father.’ Michael stood and snarled into Chuck’s right ear, as Chuck’s vessel’s knees buckled.

When Michael had skewered Chuck, Dean had also felt a sharp pain in his own chest. Looking down at his own chest, Dean realized why. The blade of Michael’s lance was now embedded in his own chest. Dean’s bright green eyes met Michael’s own. He wanted to say he wasn’t upset, but instead only managed to collapse backwards onto the hard ground. Michael dropped his lance, letting his vessel's body crumple to his knees. He’d have to stick with the more human route of getting back to the bunker because there was no way he’d be flying back to the bunker…he was too drained. The plan had been for Jack to essentially take Chuck’s place with Michael as his ‘right hand’/advisor. The archangel had absolutely no interest in ‘ruling’ over Heaven again in his father’s absence. That had gotten boring the first time around! Even for someone with an eon’s worth of patience.

‘ _ Do you want to say something to him? _ ’ Michael thought to Adam nodding to the barely conscious Dean.

But before Adam had the opportunity to respond, there was a sudden appearance of a hooded figure in black carrying a scythe that instantly grabbed both his and Michael’s attention. The new Death did something similar to a half wave with the hand not holding the scythe and Chuck’s vessel disappeared into thin air. Death inclined his hooded head and Michael-Adam just sort of gaped at him before they too disappeared from Dean’s darkening vision.

Between one blink and the next, Dean realized he was no longer lying on the coarse grass of the forest where he had fallen. He knew he wasn’t dead though, because he was in too much pain for that to be true…so he figured Death had just sort of sent him somewhere else. 

Why Death would move him somewhere else and not simply take him away from the pain didn’t make any sense to Dean. But, as his vision wavered even more, he had the vague sensation he recognized the silhouette of this new Death. The way Death moved, the width of his shoulders, the tilt of his head, and even the way he held the scythe, all made Dean ache as even more pain flooded his system. He so badly wanted to believe what he thought he was seeing. Closing his green eyes against the onslaught of his memories of Cas, he felt his throat constrict in disbelief as Death slowly turned toward him. 

‘Hello, Dean,’ came the deep well known voice that Dean had only recently lost to the abyss. Struggling to stay awake, Dean reached out a now bloody hand to Death – to Cas and knew he had to be hallucinating as he slid into the welcoming embrace of death.

**xXxXx**

Dean shot up in his bed in the bunker and as he tried to calm his rapid breathing, he couldn’t remember what he’d been dreaming about. He narrowed his eyes in thought; he could tell something wasn’t right.  _ ‘How am I back in the bunker? I thought…Michael stabbed me,’ _ Dean mused uneasily to himself. Dean let himself collapse back on the bed, pulling his red blanket back over his bare chest.  _ ‘Was I just dreaming? Have Jack and Michael not powered up the new lance?’ _ His thoughts continued haphazardly just as something caught his attention out of the corner of his right eye. 

There in the corner of Dean’s room leaned a midnight black scythe against the wall, a weapon which Dean would recognize anywhere. It was Death’s scythe. ‘What the hell?’ Dean whispered as he threw off the covers and rushed over to the scythe, paying no mind to the fact that he was just in his boxers.

Dean stared confusingly at Death’s scythe. When the Empty took Billie, it had taken the scythe as well…why was it back? And, why in Dean’s room of all places?

Dean wasn’t sure how long he spent staring at the scythe, occasionally tilting his head left or right before he had the sudden feeling he wasn’t alone in his room. He was half-tempted to take the scythe and swing it at whoever had gotten into his room without need for a door but there was also a small part of him that figured maybe…just maybe…it was the new Death and he might be able to bargain for a certain angel to be brought back. He knew there were other ways to get Sam out of Heaven…or Hell. So, he didn’t plan on lobbing Death’s head off…at least, not unless they refused to give Cas back.

Dean turned around and his mouth immediately dropped open, his green eyes going wide and his throat suddenly felt like he had swallowed a handful of sand. It was a few seconds before he managed to clamp his mouth shut. ‘I - I’m dead,’ he said, with no room for argument.

Cas - who oddly wore the same outfit save for his trenchcoat being black - nodded. ‘Yes, you are, Dean,’ he confirmed bluntly.

‘But Heaven…which is where I figure I am, is supposed to be… is supposed to have my happiest memories…and…you never wore a black trenchcoat.’ Dean said curiously, knowing he was missing a very obvious…something.

‘You’re dead, I’m not. Well, I don’t know…maybe I am. I can’t say I understand exactly what’s happened myself,’ Cas admitted before walking around Dean to take hold of the scythe. 

Turning back toward the hunter whose eyes followed his every move, he said, ‘Before Jack and Michael made the lance…well, before Michael made the lance and he and Jack powered it…Jack found a way into the Empty. He pointed out that should you survive the upcoming confrontation with Chuck that you’d raise Hell and bring down Heaven to find a way to break my deal. So, they came to a rather unusual agreement. The Empty would let me go, to keep from getting woken up when I vanish, again…but, with one major difference. I would take Billie’s place and make sure the person who replaced Chuck - Jack - would follow the agreement that had been laid out since before the first angel was created…he would hold no power over the Empty…which simply means Jack cannot bring anyone back from the Empty…ever again.’ Cas explained. ‘If he does, it nullifies the agreement and I return to the Empty,’ he added. ‘I’m not sure if that also applies if someone else does.’ He added after a few seconds.

‘So, you’re not an angel, anymore?’ Dean asked confused.

‘That was the plan, yes. That’s not what happened, though. I’m somewhere between Death and an oddly, fully powered seraphim,’ Cas admitted.

‘So, you’re a Death Seraphim?’ Dean joked, thinking about some of the video games Jack started playing.

‘Yes, Dean.’ Cas agreed.

‘So, why’re you here?’ Dean asked curiously. ‘If you’re the new Death, why are you here in my little corner of Heaven?’ He added. Not that he wasn’t happy to see Cas, but it just wasn’t making sense.

‘I’ll always follow you, Dean.’ Cas reminded. ‘And, there are reapers to collect people’s souls or to send dead demons or angels to the Empty…So, I’m rather unneeded as Death,’ Cas pointed out.

‘So, is Sammy up here, too?’ Dean asked curiously.

‘Yes,’ Cas said without hesitation.

‘I should probably pay him a visit,’ Dean admitted, with a small smile.

‘I would not advise that, Dean. Jack tweaked his Heaven a bit. Sam’s happy with Eileen…and he’s also got free reign of Heaven’s library,’ Cas pointed out.

‘Not Jess?’ Dean asked surprised.

‘Jess didn’t understand hunting but Eileen did, and Sam changed too much between his college days and the final battle with Chuck to be that same rebellious young man,’ Cas pointed out.

Dean laughed. ‘And free access to Heaven’s library?’ He asked, amused.

‘Yes, he didn’t even know I’d watched him for hours before I actually smacked him with my scythe to get his attention,’ Cas admitted, a bit embarrassed.

Dean laughed again. ‘Yeah, that sounds like Sammy,’ he nodded in agreement.

‘I - I can send you back…to Earth…resurrect you…if you want to go back,’ Cas said, hesitantly.

Dean shook his head. ‘Nah. Sam’s here. Mom and dad are somewhere up here. Bobby’s here. Jack’s going to try to rebuild Heaven with Michael’s help, so he’ll be here. I might even get a chance to actually know Adam. And, you’re quite literally Death…and you’re here. So, why would I want to go back?’ He asked curiously.

Cas lowered his head. ‘I’m sorry, Dean,’ he said apologetically.

‘What for?’ Dean asked concerned.

‘For…saying…what I did, to you.’ Cas admitted, refusing to meet Dean’s eyes.

Dean’s heart plummeted. He knew exactly what Cas was talking about…and he was…Cas was sorry for it?

‘Oh.’ Dean said, trying to keep as much emotion out of his voice as he could.

Cas looked back at Dean. ‘I shouldn’t have said that, but it was the only way I knew to summon the Empty,’ he admitted.

‘It’s fine, Cas,’ Dean said, knowing his voice sounded angry but also couldn’t disguise the hurt.

**xXxXx**

Instead of finding his way to Sam’s Heaven, or to Mary and John’s, Bobby, Ellen, Jo…or any of the number of people they’d lost over the years…Dean had taken to walking the halls of the bunker that compromised a lot of his Heaven. They’d tried to visit him after learning he too was dead but there were enough rooms in the bunker and twists and turns to follow that he could stay hidden until they took the hint and left. 

Why was he secluding himself? There had been a small - emphasis on large - part of himself that had been so happy to see Cas, even if he was also Death…and instead of working his way up to - eventually - saying those three words back to Cas…Cas had apologized for even saying those words. And to top it off, Cas was avoiding him…and Dean…Dean just didn’t want to deal with other people, right now.

‘Yeah, Heaven’s such a happy fucking place, even with Chuck dead!’ Dean snarled angrily.

**xXxXx**

‘Will you stop pacing?’ Sam snapped, looking up from one of the books. He loved Jack’s - work-in-progress - revamping of Heaven…especially since it came with Sam being able to read books that weren’t even in languages he knew back on Earth.

‘I don’t know what I did wrong, Sam.’ Cas admitted, but didn’t stop walking from one side of the reading room to another.

‘Cas, it’s Dean…Heaven, Hell, or Purgatory…you’ve known him in all of them. Has he ever not been a pain in the ass?’ Sam asked annoyed, rolling his eyes.

‘He’s not - you don’t understand, Samuel!’ Cas said, frustrated. ‘I told him I loved him before the Empty took me!’ His frustration growing. ‘I see him again and apologized for it…because I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have said that when I did…because what reason did he have to believe me? I was about to die!’ He threw his scythe to the floor angrily. ‘I wanted to tell him that while I shouldn’t have said it then that I still meant it…but…he didn’t seem to even care!’ Cas’s voice had begun to rise, his frustration still growing.

Sam scrubbed his face with his hands and he let out a frustrated huff of air. ‘Dumbass, it wasn’t that he didn’t care…of course, he cared! Do you know how long he spent in that damn room crying over you? And, then you show up in his Heaven and fucking apologize for telling him you love him? He wasn’t uncaring, he was devastated! He probably thinks you don’t love him!’ Sam wasn’t sure when he’d stood or started yelling, but he was done dealing with this…thing…between Cas and Dean.

Sam just shook his head when Cas disappeared, leaving his scythe behind. Sam looked around before returning to his chair; he could understand why Metatron had liked the library so much…it was…so full and fascinating!

**xXxXx**

‘What do you want now, Castiel? You want to apologize for pulling me from Hell, now? Maybe that’s where you think I actually deserve to be after all this time?’ Dean snapped. It was rare that he referred to Cas by his full name, so even angry it didn’t sound right to him.

‘Dean, I misunderstood…but…so did you.’ Cas explained calmly.

‘How did I misunderstand you apologizing for saying you love me?’ Dean snapped. ‘I don’t expect anyone to love me…but to be apologized to for it?’ he added bitterly.

‘Dean, I wasn’t…I wasn’t apologizing for saying it…not exactly. I was apologizing for saying it  when I did. I was telling you the truth that day, I do love you, but I shouldn’t have said it then. I don’t know if there was ever going to be a good…or right…time to say it, but it shouldn’t have been then,’ Cas explained, continuing to stay calm. ‘But, the reason I’ve been staying away since then…I didn’t think you cared,’ he added, regretfully.

Dean let Cas’s words sink in for a few moments before snapping back, but then he changed his mind and didn’t snap back. ‘Sammy?’ He asked curiously, instead.

‘Yes.’ Cas said, nodding in agreement.

‘I know you want me to say the words back, Cas, but…’ Dean began hesitantly.

‘Dean, you don’t have too. I never expected you to love me back…and that’s okay.’ Cas explained, calmly.

Dean shook his head in frustration. ‘No, it’s not!’ Dean said, angrily. ‘Because, I do, but…I just…I can-can’t…say it,’ he explained, frustrated.

‘You do?’ Cas asked confused. Dean couldn’t possibly mean what Cas thought he meant and he didn’t want another misunderstanding between the two…not so soon after the last one.

‘I -’ Dean began hesitantly. ‘I do feel the same as you.’ He struggled to get the words out but that was as close as he could get.

Cas couldn’t help the small smile creeping onto his face.

**xXxXx**

Dean would occasionally wander out of his Heaven to visit Sam, meaning most of the time he was in Heaven’s library since that was primarily where his nerd of a brother stayed. There were plenty of Metatron jokes just waiting for the right moment to be tossed at Sam. He figured Eileen probably had to wander out to see Sam but he hadn’t run into her, yet. Maybe Sam would end up Jack’s scribe like Metatron was Chuck’s? 

There were other times when he’d wonder over to John and Mary’s Heaven, but that was few and far between…there was just something about being there that never sat well with him. He’d visit Bobby’s...and that was always a nice visit. Visiting the Roadhouse and seeing Ellen, Jo, and Ash was also nice…but there was simplicity at being there that Dean just didn’t feel fit him anymore…and that’s why he stayed away from there as much as he did. He’d even visited Jack on a few occasions but he was always busy with Michael…rebuilding Heaven and making new angels…so he tended to leave faster than he came.

‘This doesn’t feel right, Cas,’ Dean admitted regretfully.

Cas had his arms wrapped around Dean’s waist from behind as Dean worked at cooking…well, Cas really wasn’t paying attention to that part. It had taken longer than even he expected for Dean to finally allow just this level of affection, but… ‘What’s wrong?’ He asked curiously, his face turned to the side between Dean’s shoulder blades. If someone was messing with Dean’s Heaven, whether it was Cas’s place or not…he’d take his scythe and reap somebody’s soul to their eternal damnation.

‘It’s too…peaceful,’ Dean admitted regretfully, feeling his shoulders sag. He knew it sounded stupid…it was Heaven! Jack and Michael’s rebuilt Heaven…but still, Heaven.

‘Dean, it’s Heaven,’ Cas pointed out. ‘It’s supposed to be peaceful. It wasn’t something I ever got to experience for myself even as a fledging, but this is the way it’s supposed to be here,’ he added, his voice tinged with sadness.

‘I know…it’s just…I guess…I’m just used to the constant fighting. I’ve done it all my life. It’s hard not going stir crazy here,’ Dean admitted regretfully.

‘Would you like a…day pass…I think that’s the right term…to go to Earth? Maybe do a hunt? I couldn’t do it very often, but it is the advantage to being Death. I can break my own rules,’ Cas offered.

‘Yes!’ Dean agreed immediately.

**xXxXx**

Dean’s ‘day pass’ turned into a eight-day pass, but…hunting down a nest of vampires was just what Dean needed…well, right up until he ended up captured by the nest. He’d been contemplating his escape from the chair he was tied to before the vampires got a chance to either drain him or turn him…when there was a sudden rush of darkness, a crackle of lightning and thunder, and the appearance of a very pissed off Death - and Dean could tell that just by Cas’s stance. But, while he could almost feel Cas’s anger deep in his bones - and wasn’t that a weird feeling - he could also see Cas’s solid jet black wings with tendrils of darkness surrounding them. And there was a part of him that could visualize Cas’s eyes glowing bright with grace.

Dean had just watched - mouth agape - as Cas…in full warrior mode…swiftly decapitated all but one of the vampires with his scythe. The last one…he put his hand on the vampires head and while Dean had honestly expected a smiting…he had not expected the vampire’s eyes to glow with something akin to black grace before there were tendrils of that blackness - like veins - all over their body as the vampire literally exploded from within. Cas then turned his anger towards Dean. ‘Uh…’ That was Dean’s intelligible remark.

Instead of lashing out though…or even speaking an angry word, Cas just looked Dean up and down a few times. ‘Dean,’ Cas said carefully.

‘Uh huh?’ Dean asked, his voice higher than he thought possible considering his outgrowing of puberty many years prior.

Cas’s eyes glanced down and it took Dean a few moments to realize what Cas was saying…without using his words. Cas’s eyes returned to Dean’s face. Dean glanced down at himself and immediately felt himself turning something akin to tomato or crimson red. ‘ _ Lousy time for my body to betray me like that! _ ’ He thought to himself, as he returned his attention to Cas and away from the straining of his jeans. ‘Can you just send me back to Heaven?’ He asked irritated, and more than a little embarrassed.

Cas stalked - and there was no other word Dean could think of for what Cas was doing because it sure wasn’t walking - over to Dean, the scythe and Cas’s wings disappearing as Cas came to a stop in front of Dean. Cas leaned forward, one hand on the back of the chair as his face was a mere couple inches from Dean’s own. ‘No,’ Cas said simply.

Dean was still trying to process Cas’s refusal to send him back to Heaven considering he’d already spent a lot more time than planned on Earth when he felt the press of Cas’s lips against his own. Dean wanted loose from the damn restraints, preferably…quickly, because he wanted Cas closer. Fuck his internalized psycho-phobic problems! Cas was fucking hot when he went all badass warrior angel - or whatever he was - considering he was also Death!

Cas pulled back after a few moments. ‘God dammit, Cas! Let me go!’ Dean said frustrated.

‘I think I like you like this, Dean.’ Cas said with a head tilt and a smirk.

‘Fine, you can fucking tie me up...but get me back to the bunker first!’ Dean snapped, struggling against the ropes. He did not in fact have a kink - or even a particular like - for being tied up during sex. In fact, he absolutely hated the idea. But, his blood had already abandoned his brain…and he wanted Cas! Now!

Cas’s smirk turned into a full-on grin as he nodded and both he and Dean vanished from the nest’s hideout. But Cas didn’t take Dean back to the Heaven version of the bunker. Instead, he took him to the actual bunker where he finally managed to make it crystal clear just how loved Dean is in life and in death. 

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: 1) I swear I read a story somewhere on AO3 about the idea of Cas being the new Death but with as quickly as Destiel stories have been getting posted on there since Episode 18 aired (faster than normal, either that or it just seems that way to me because I’m not solely reading Destiel)...trying to track that down since I obviously hadn’t Bookmarked it...has turned out to be extremely difficult. So, this story is inspired by that. 2) Not sure if I want to cycle back and add a chapter to The Lost Book of Chuck…after I think Episode 17 where Chuck more or else absorbed Amara…gave me one hell of an idea for a bonus chapter to that...or if I want to go on and do the idea I have for a Clint/Bucky…or if you prefer, Winterhawk…story. Either way, I’m not going back to Hitting the Heart just yet.
> 
> Reviews/Comments/Constructive Criticism welcome!


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